Impatience comes for those who wait. :)

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

I half intend almost half of what I think I mean to say.

When I hear you say: “We need to work together.” What I hear is you saying” “I’m not smart enough to complete this task.”

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.

I don’t know what it is that makes you stupid but whatever it is, it works.

Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way.
-Aristotle

Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. I think its in my basement… let me go upstairs and check.
-M. C. Escher